Tuesday Night and ugh..

So I'm sitting here tonight listening to some moody metal music and waiting on my tea  to cool. Friday I'm going to turn 25 and I'm trying to figure my life out. Some things I know for certain, most, I haven't the slightest idea. I've been dealing with alot of raw emotions lately. From re-emerging friends to trying to figure myself out. I have learned that if I plan on being here for another 25 years, I have to change myself. I have to challenge myself to my core.

Blue Cross has made it to where in order to get our current insurance, the hubby will have to have a complete physical. In order to receive a lower deductible, we BOTH have to do a complete physical and I will have to participate in any disease management programs they feel I need to.I will tell you this now, I'm scared to death. The way I am, if I can ignore it, it isn't there. I dread going to the doctor for anything. I try to stay ignorant. I know whats going on though. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes twice,which led to all sorts of problems with my son, my mom was diagnosed with high blood pressure at a really young age and both parents are diabetic. I know where I'm heading..

I can make a million excuses, I don't have the time to exercise with two small kids, the few days I can, I almost get hit by the neighbors, I don't have the money for the gym, don't even have a way to get there even if I did. With all those things in mind, I have to figure it out. I don't have an option. I have to change myself for me, my husband and my kids. Yes, food=amazing..but after what happened with the complications during my delivery  it made me really think about leaving this world too early.

I'm just really scared, how ever stupid that sounds. I have no interest in being skinny. I'm not anywhere remotely concerned about my weight, I'm concerned about my health.

So as it were, Friday begins my new year and Oct 17th is open enrollment then after that I take it a day at a time.

About...Me.

So, my name is Mary and I'm a complete nerd.I'm a stay at home mama with two beautiful babies, a 2 year old daughter and a 2 month old son <3 I've been married for 7 years to the man of my dreams. He's my other nerdy half. I'm in love with anything pre 1960, fashion, life, art. You name it, I love it. I have a really hard time describing myself because I'm just me. I love my family, friends, nature, zombies and all sorts of random stuff. I'm overly opinionated so if you get offended easily, this may not be the right place for you. A friend of mine started a blog and I thought, "Hey, I used to blog all the time on Myspace, so why not infect the web with more of my incoherent ramblings?" So here I am :) But I do hear my Mr. coming up the driveway so goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow!